Can't Afford To Forget

"On a business trip in California, I realized that I had forgotten my wife's birthday.  Assuming I was in big trouble, I went to the jewelry section of a San Francisco department store.  After explaining to the saleswoman that I desperately needed a gift to make up for my forgetfulness, she quipped, 'I'm sorry, but we don't have anything that expensive.'"

- Edwin L. Ray, Reader's Digest, quoted in The Story File (Hendrickson Publishers, 2000)

It's Also A Gift To Forget

A.J. has the most astonishing memory scientists have ever tested. She can replay decades of her life like a movie. Give her any date, and she can recall the day of the week, usually what the weather was like, personal details of her life at that time, and major news events that occurred.

After testing A.J. over the last six years, Dr. James McGaugh of the University of California at Irvine has decided that A.J. is not using mnemonic devices to memorize data; nor is she a savant with exceptional memory in one area. This foremost authority on memory can’t explain A.J.’s recall.

“The woman who can’t forget” simply says that she intensely feels each day and remembers trivial details as clearly as major events. Asked what happened on August 16, 1977, she knew that Elvis Presley had died. But she also remembered that a California tax initiative passed on June 6 of the following year, and a plane crashed in Chicago on May 25 of the next year.

A great memory is not all it’s cracked up to be. A.J. had to study for exams in school, struggled to memorize dates for history class, and still has to make a weekly grocery list. When asked if she considered her memory a gift, A.J. said, “Well, if I’m able to cure a disease, it’s a gift. But to remember, like, the end of every relationship — it’s hard.”

Perhaps the ability to forget should be considered a gift as well.

 — Michelle Trudeau, “Unique Memory Lets Woman Replay Life Like a Movie,”
 NPR’s Morning Edition (April 19, 2006)

I Remember You

Roger Zerbe, who suffered from early onset Alzheimer’s disease, journaled this to his wife after a particularly troubling bout of forgetfulness.

Honey,
Today fear is taking over. The day is coming when all my memories of this life we share will be gone. You and the boys will be gone from me. I will lose you even as I am surrounded by you and your love. I don’t want to leave you. I want to grow old in the warmth of memories. Forgive me for leaving so slowly and painfully.

Blinking back tears, Becky wrote:

My sweet husband,
I will continue to go on loving you and caring for you — not because you know me or remember our life, but because I remember you. I will remember the man who proposed to me and told me he loved me, the look on his face when his children were born, the father he was, the way he loved our extended family. I’ll recall his love for riding, hiking, and reading; his tears at sentimental movies; the unexpected witty remarks; and how he held my hand while he prayed. I cherish the pleasure, obligation, commitment, and opportunity to care for you because I remember you!

 — Becky Zerbe, “Penning a Marriage,” 
Marriage Partnership (Spring 2006)