Comfort In Writing

ABC News reported on April 14,1999, about a new study that found that patients with arthritis or asthma often got better writing about terrible experiences in their lives such as a car wreck or the death of a loved one.  A group of 112 patients spent a total of just one hour writing.  Four months later, nearly half of those who wrote about stressful events had improved significantly.

The study is believed to be the first to examine how writing about stressful events affects specific illnesses.  It was conducted at the State University of New York at Stony Brook and published in The Journal of the American Medical Association, and it reinforces similar studies that have shown the health benefits for healthy people who wrote about stressful events.

- abcnews.go.com

To Be Surrounded By People Who Love You

When my dad had died eight years earlier, Michael had stood by me. When the sympathy cards stopped coming and I began the terrifying freefall into grief, Michael had been my parachute. Now I stood vigil with him at his father’s deathbed.

I tried to look into Al’s eyes, which had always been playful. Under his silver eyebrows were dark circles; his lids were slightly open, but the eyes were rolled back and showed only white. Clear plastic tubing snaked from the wall to a mask covering his nose and mouth. The nurses said he might make it through the night, but they weren’t sure. His kidneys were shutting down.

Out in the shiny hospital hallway, laundry carts stood silent. It was deep past midnight, and we were alone: a son, a wife, a dying dad, a friend.

Hearing is the last sense to fade, so Michael and his wife, Stephanie, spoke to Al — beautiful, tender words. “I love you, Dad,” Michael said. “I’m here with you, and you won’t be abandoned. You won’t be left alone.”

“Thank you for all you’ve given us,” Stephanie added, holding his hand, which occasionally twitched. Al had always been generous, helping with school expenses or other needs. “Whenever you helped us and we said thank you, you just told us, ‘That’s what dads are for,’ ” Michael said. He paused and repeated, “That’s what dads are for.”

Death changes conversation. It strips away cheap social conventions and calls us either to be silent or to speak from the heart. In that room, the only words that seemed appropriate were the kind that were deep and clear and true. 

Death also changes the calculation. Whatever seemed so important during life — job or money or house or success — doesn’t matter now. When you’re in extremis, the most important thing, apart from being ready to meet God, is to be surrounded by people who love you.

 — Kevin Miller, LeadershipJournal.net 
(October 5, 2000)

A Simple Yet Genuine Act Brings Much Comfort

Mr. Sam Rayburn was Speaker of the United States House of Representatives longer than any other man in our history.  There is a story about him that reveals the kind of man he really was.

The teenage daughter of a friend of his died suddenly one night.  Early the next morning the man heard a knock on his door, and, when he opened it, there was Mr. Rayburn standing outside.

The Speaker said, "I just came by to see what I could do to help."

The father replied in his deep grief, "I don't think there is anything you can do, Mr. Speaker.  We are making all the arrangements."

"Well," Mr. Rayburn said, "have you had your coffee this morning?"

The man replied that they had not taken time for breakfast.  So Mr. Rayburn said that he could at least make coffee for them.  While he was working in the kitchen, the man came in and said, "Mr. Speaker, I thought you were supposed to be having breakfast at the White House this morning."

"Well, I was," Mr. Rayburn said, "but I called the president and told him I had a friend who was in trouble, and I couldn't come."

- Charles L. Allen, Perfect Peace (Fleming H. Revell Co., 1979)

Peace Despite Life's Pain

Horatio Spafford, a successful lawyer and real-estate investor, was a father of five. Tragedy first struck him and his family when his only son died of Scarlet fever at a young age. Then the year after, when the loss was still in their mind, a devastating fire destroyed most of the properties he had invested in.

Wanting to get some needed break from all their pain, Spafford arranged for him and his family to sail and have a vacation. But since he had things to attend to at the last minute, he sent his wife and daughters ahead of him. Sadly, several days later, news came to him that the ship they were on had a collision and his four daughters died.

Spafford, soon after and despite all these tragedies,  wrote these words that have since became a famous hymn, lifting up grieving hearts over centuries:

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;

Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say,

It is well, it is well with my soul.

It is well (it is well),with my soul (with my soul),

It is well, it is well with my soul.

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,

Let this blest assurance control,

That Christ hath regarded my helpless estate,

And hath shed His own blood for my soul.

My sin, oh the bliss of this glorious thought!

My sin, not in part but the whole,

Is nailed to His cross, and I bear it no more,

Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

For me, be it Christ, be it Christ hence to live:

If Jordan above me shall roll,

No pang shall be mine, for in death as in life

Thou wilt whisper Thy peace to my soul.

And Lord haste the day, 

when my faith shall be sight,

The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;

The trump shall resound, 

and the Lord shall descend,

Even so, it is well with my soul.