I Just Can't Tell

The vicar, awarding prizes at the local dog show, was scandalized by costumes worn by some members of the younger fair sex.  "Look at that youngster," said he, "the one with the cropped hair, the cigarette, and breeches, holding two pops.  Is it a boy or a girl?"

"A girl," said his companion.  "She's my daughter."

"My dear sir!"  The vicar was flustered.  "Do forgive me.  I would never have been so outspoken had I known you were her father."

"I'm not," said the other.  "I'm her mother."

- submitted by Calvin Habig, Parables, Etc. (August 1995) 

Who Are We Talking About?

Two fellows went to the circus and saw the cage containing a tiger pacing back and forth, growling, and baring his teeth.  At that moment, a beautiful lady entered the cage.  The two men held their breath as the tiger prepared to pounce.  Suddenly, the lady pointed  and said, "Sit!" and the tiger sat.  She said, "Crawl!" and the tiger crawled.

The two men continued to watch, amazed at what they were seeing.  The young lady extended her hand toward the tiger and he licked her hand like a kitten.  She leaned over and the tiger gently licked her face.

One man turned to the other and said, "Man, I wouldn't do that for anything in the world!"  

"I would." said the other.

"Are you crazy?  You wouldn't dare do that!"

Then the second man turned to his friend and said, "You bet I will.  Just do something with that tiger for me."

- Steve May, The Story File (Hendrickson Publishers, 2000)

Assumptions Can Be Dangerous

The photographer for a national magazine was assigned to get photos of a great forest fire.  Smoke at the scene hampered him, and he asked his home office to hire a plane.  Arrangements were made, and he was told to go at once to a neary airport, where the plane would be waiting.

When he arrived at the airport, a plane was warming up near the runway.  He jumped in with his equipment and yelled, "Let's go!  Let's go!"  The pilot swung the plane into the wind, and they soon were in the air.

"Fly over the north side of the fire," yelled the photographer, "and make three or four low level passes."

"Why?" asked the pilot.

"Because I'm going to take pictures," cried the photographer.  "I'm a photographer and photographers take pictures!"

After a pause the pilot said, "You mean you're not the flight instructor?"

- Bits & Pieces (The Economics Press, Inc., 1996)