Too Much Criticism, Too Little Gratitude

I was helping a friend plant a tree at the local park. She had planted twenty-three trees already, most of them without any help. The trees were donated by family members in remembrance of loved ones. While we were working, a woman approached us. I recognized her and assumed she was there to say thank you.

“Remember the tree you planted for me the other day?” she asked.

My friend nodded.

“You planted it too close to the road. It needs to be moved.” Then she turned and left.

I don’t think this woman was intentionally rude. She was probably distracted, or maybe she’d had a bad day, but, still — of the twenty-three trees my friend planted, only two people remembered to say, “Thank you.”

 — Teresa Bell Kindred, 
Kentucky Living (October 2000)

A Perfect Time To Be Objective

In the early days of the Civil War, Robert E. Lee was severely criticized by General Whiting.  It might have been expected that Lee would seize any opportunity to get even with Whiting.  The opportunity presented itself when Jefferson Davis called Lee in for consultation.

Davis wanted to know what Lee thought of General Whiting.  Without hesitation Lee commended him in high terms and called him one of the ablest men in the army.  Afterwards, a fellow officer took Lee aside and wanted to know why he had not told Davis the things Whiting had said about him.

Lee answered, "It was my understanding that the President wanted to know my opinion of Whiting, not Whiting's opinion of me."

- Bits & Pieces (The Economics Press, Inc., 1996)

Perfectly Unforgettable

One pouring night a man ducked into a taxi that happened to come along just as he walked out of his office.

"Perfect timing," said the cabbie.  "You're like Harold."

"Who?" the man asked.

"Harold Curry," the driver said.  "A most memorable character.  He did everything right.  Like this cab coming along when you needed it.  That's exactly what would have happened to Harold.  He was always right."

The man responded, "Nobody's that perfect."

The cab driver went on, "He was a great athlete. He played tennis and golf like a pro and was a superb dancer.  Harold never forgot birthdays and anniversaries.  He knew which fork to use and how to taste wine.  He was also a great handyman.  He could fix anything.  Me?  I'm all thumbs."

Soon they reached the man's destination.  "That Harold was quite a guy," he said, stepping out of the cab.  "No wonder he's your most unforgettable character."

As the driver made change for the man he said, "He'd be yours too, if you married his widow."

- Steve May, The Story File (Hendrickson Publishers, 2000)

Better Check Oneself First

A man was perplexed by his wife's refusal to admit her hearing problem.  Speaking with his doctor one day, he exclaimed, "How can I get my wife to admit that she is hard of hearing?"

"I'll tell you what you need to do," his doctor replied.  "When you arrive home this evening, peek your head through the door and ask, 'Honey, what's for dinner tonight?'  If she doesn't answer, go into the living room and say, 'Honey, what's for dinner?'  If she still does not answer, walk into the kitchen and ask, 'Honey, what's for dinner?'  If she still does not hear you, then walk right up behind her and speak directly in her ear: 'Honey, what's for dinner?'  Then you will be able to convince her of her need for a hearing exam."

"Great!" the man responded.  "I think it will work!"

That evening the man arrived home from work. Just as he had been instructed, he opened the front door and called out: "Honey, what's for dinner tonight?"  He listened carefully, but there was no reply.  He walked into the living room and repeated, "Honey, what's for dinner?" He still received no answer.  He then walked into the kitchen and asked, "Honey, what's for dinner?"  Still there was no answer.  The man walked right up behind his wife and spoke directly into her ear: "Honey, what's for dinner?"

At this the wife turned around and resolutely replied: "For the fourth time, I said we are having spaghetti!"

- Timothy J. Helm, Parables, Etc. (Saratoga Press, November 1994)